I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
