Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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