Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
