God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
