Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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