just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
