a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize