Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
