she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
