Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
