Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
