Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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