Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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