just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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