i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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