im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Shame is for Republicans.
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