You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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