somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
