Your mouth is God's brothel.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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