so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
