my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
