Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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