Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I looked at my own cervix.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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