I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize