the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
