Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
