Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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