ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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