Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
