she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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