I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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