I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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