just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
