Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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