He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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