Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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