I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
