But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
