In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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