She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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