Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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