I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
