There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
