But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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