This is not my ceiling
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
