I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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