I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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