You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
