I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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