: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize