So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
