im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
