Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
