Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
