When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
