Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
