hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
