I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
40s are totally the cure
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
