thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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