last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Two words: blizzard sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize