Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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