Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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