Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
