i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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