Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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