the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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