Barsexuality is the new black.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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