Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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