im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
