I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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