Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
