Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
